Bulbyonder Abuse Reports

Abuse report from: Loz
Complaint about : Eh?
Complaint: It has come to my attention that a certain user did not had thier curtains drawn properly when using your service. As you can imagine, this allows light to leak out of thier household, allowing any old passers-by to read,see, or do whatever they like with the light provided by you. Surely this is a breach of the ever-flexible AUP?
Now, this is where it turns serious...
I also noticed upon looking through thier window, (after all they allowed me to, by the curtains not being drawn properly) that they had a disparaging poster up about Bulbyonder. I request that you terminate this users service immediately, and also flog them to death with a BIG stick immediately.
Dancing on thier grave whilst laughing about "this flexible AUP is great" is also reccomended..
Hoping you can sort this out in the next 5 mins...
Loz H.
Rating: Shocking

Response: Bulbyonder Abuse will look into this, please can you send further details of this user to abuse@bulbyonder.co.uk and our pack of abuse people will ring the user up and threaten them with everything under the sun to make them do as we wish. Thank you for bringing this to our attention! - Alex Threlfall - Webmaster - Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: Loz
Complaint about : Loz
Complaint: I would like to complain about the various typos in my previous abuse post. Surely your AUP can be modified on the spot to make such awful grammar and shocking english a bannable offence?
Rating: Retard

Response: I'll get Abuse to suspend you account for 30days then Loz, it's such a serious offence. - Alex Threlfall - Webmaster Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: Support (support@bulbyonder.co.uk)
Complaint about : Support
Complaint: I would like to complain that no one is being abusive to me.
I'm feeling very left out
Rating: Retard

Response: I'm sorry, i'll arrange for abuse to call you ;) Please send us your number. - Alex Threlfall - Webmaster Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: snigger
Complaint about : who cares
Complaint: yea i live on the streets and none of my fucking lamps work that i stole how the hell do i get them to work please help me i think something is mising
Rating: Retard

Response: Well, we're not experiancing any problems in that area, are you sure your lamps are plugged in? - Alex Threlfall - Webmaster Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: abnw01245s - no realy... that is my name! (abnw01245s@cableishite.net)
Complaint about : the gruff one.
Complaint: I want to grizzle about the level of technical expertise that your staff showed me! when I suggested that i had wired up my house ready for distributed fairy lights, your engineer (the gruff one) told me i couldnt do it, because he had never seen it done like that, and i was messing with elastic trickery, and that it was the work of the devil... When i called the help desk, i got passed from idiot to idiot until i had been refunded the toltal outstanding amount of my mortgage, but i still have not got my 1000 lamp chaser working, you guys suck.
Rating: Retard

Response: Perhaps this will teach you not to call technical support. - Alex Threlfall - Webmaster Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: Bluuyonder (somemonkey@bluuyonder.com)
Complaint about : Faceless
Complaint: it has come to our attention that you're taking the piss out of our excellent pioneering broadband service. We can alternatively provide a pay-per-minute modem service via our proprietory 13kbps modem technology, we are confident that this service is superior in both bandwidth and reliability to the cable service.
Our engineers will be round within 6-8 years to perform the upgrade.
Rating: Poor

Response: Hah! I'd like to see you try and provide even *half* the service we do. - Alex Threlfall - Webmaster Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: Peiter Douxendoft
Complaint about : oxen brawl (anag.)
Complaint: Whilst sitting in total darkness last Friday evening, I called your support line to complain. A technician promptly answered, and professionally and courteously guided me back into the light.
You cunts.
Rating: Shocking

Response: We can but try...- Alex Threlfall - Webmaster Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: Brian Crowley
Complaint about : Support staff
Complaint: Totally clueless. I phoned up for guidance on my 50W appliance. It took an age to get through (apparently the lights were on, but no-one was home) and then when I did finally get through to someone, I had to go rooting through my house as they decided it wasn't their bulb that wasn't working, but instead it must be my fuse box. When there was no problem there, I was told that I must be using an incompatible electricity company. Totally useless
Rating: Poor

Response: We cannot make your electricity company comply with our standards.- Alex Threlfall - Webmaster Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: Monkey Man
Complaint about : Sexy
Complaint: I don't know what I'm doing.
Rating: Shocking

Response: Neither do we! - Alex Threlfall - Webmaster Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: Megamix
Complaint about : ???
Complaint: I live in a part of the world that has daylight for 6 mths of the year,and you only have a 12 mths contract,so i think i should get 6 mths free
as i can not use the server for 6 mths of the year cos the sun is so bright.
Rating: Awful

Response: Nope, sorry. - Alex Threlfall - Webmaster Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: Nigel (nigel.bourne@blueyonder.co.uk)
Complaint about : Staff??
Complaint: I am seriously concerned about the speed of some of your light. I purchased, not 'alf an hour ago, a 100w service package. When I got home, I set the system up, only to find out that the light is too slow to get across the pond. How am I expected to see my little tadpole? Someone should be told.
Rating: Poor

Response: Use a homing device.- Alex Threlfall - Webmaster Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: Super Ape (modl12427@cableinot.co.uk)
Complaint about : Alex Threlfall
Complaint: I don't think Bulbyonder is ready to compete with the other Light Service Providers (LSPs) out there. While services like America Onlight have just the basic 25W lamps, which hardly light the room up, Freeserve, which is ok from what I hear (which also has Candle Access Portal for those on the move)
BT Openwatt can upgrade existing lamps into powerful 100 watt ones, and some companies offer services on the industrial scale, but I wouldn't be able to afford or need a lighthouse sized Krypton light bulb in my house anyway (but i would be the envy of everyone)
Clean up your act, Bulbyonder, before the light goes out on you!
Rating: Shocking

Response: Pah, everyone wants our bulbs, think again!- Alex Threlfall - Webmaster Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: Tattyman (tatt@blueyonder.co.uk)
Complaint about : Mmmm
Complaint: After purchasing your "serious user" 50W service (from a not so local stockist), I arrived back at my residence, opened the box and found there to be 2 fittings, 2 plugs but only one light bulb. As you can imagine I was most dipleased at this unfortunate situation, I then proceeded to call the stockist who then informed me that the '50W service' was not supposed to come with any lamps anyway, (at this point I was starting to get confused). Anyway I then proceeded to examine the plug-tops which had been supplied with the kit and to my absolute horror they were fitted with 13Amp fuses, as you should be aware this is in breach of the IEE 16th Edition Wiring Regulations, but I wont hold and grudges. I quickly rushed out to my nearest electrical wholesaler and purchased two 3Amp fuses for the plugs and a new 25Watt lamp for the fittings so I had a complete kit. Now, I arrived back at my residence for the second time hoping to shed some light on the situation. I put everything together and placed one lamp on top of my television set and the other adjacent my pc on the table. Then I realised that the leads on the lamps would not reach the nearest plug socket, at this point I was really starting to lose my rag. I understand that on the illustrations on your products page it does not show any leads on the equipment but I would expect the lead to be longer than 3 inches. So off I went again to my nearest electrical wholesaler and purchased two new extention leads at £9.99 each. For the third time I arrived back at my residence, I plugged it all together, and through no fault of my own I knocked the one lamp off the table adjacent my pc smashing it to pieces and the one on top of the television set, well, the girfriend thought it was a plant and proceeded to water it,
So, now I'm left with one smashed lamp,
one fried lamp,
one fried television set,
two useless extention leads
and glass in my foot.
Is there ANY chance of a refund
TIA Tattyman
Rating: Shocking

Response: No. - Alex Threlfall - Webmaster Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: Nick
Complaint about : Whats a "Staffer?", Bulbyonder jargon?
Complaint: Your company is abysmal, and since teaming up with NTL, its become even more or a shambles. Get it sorted, ive seen more proffesionalism in the bums that sell the big issue!
Rating: Retard

Response: We have not teamed up with Nice Torch Light. The bums that sell the big issue do a very good job of the installations we employ them to. - Alex Threlfall - Webmaster Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: Ashamed ()
Complaint about : Ash Amed
Complaint: Are there any plans to develop a solar powered bulb?
Rating: Retard

Response: Nope - Alex Threlfall - Webmaster Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: c.d.
Complaint about : soonbe on
Complaint: bloody hi-speed
i'll give you hi-speed
Rating: Retard

Response: Come on then, i'm waiting... - Alex Threlfall - Webmaster Bulbyonder

Abuse report from: ()
Complaint about :
Complaint:
Rating: Poor

Abuse report from: bouncy
Complaint about : errr
Complaint: This is not libellous at all is it........... Great site. I too have been a poor and afflicted user of a service who we shall not mention (and it was called something else then), and I bought a speaker phone just for phoning customer services. Nice to see someone take a stand.
Rating: Poor

Abuse report from: ()
Complaint about :
Complaint:
Rating: Poor

Abuse report from: aka Kermit from da NG's (ian@telewaste.co.uk)
Complaint about :
Complaint: Funny thing is I only registered Telewaste.co.uk last week as well!!
Rating: Poor

Abuse report from: Neil Armstrong
Complaint about :
Complaint: As a resident of the dark side of the moon, I wish to subscribe to an 'always on' service. As I require 24/7 useage, am I eligible for a heavy user discount or will you boot me off if I use my lamp for more than 10-15 hours a day?
At present I must sit in total darkness, blindly trying to re-connect my 25w lamp due to your 2 hour cut off period.
Please help.
Rating: Terrible

Abuse report from: Ryan Parish (Barongreenback99@Hotmail.com)
Complaint about :
Complaint: Please could you tell me if there any seasonal developments planned. It would be really nice to get official bulbyonder fairy lights to my 50w serious user package
Rating: Shocking

Abuse report from: Paul
Complaint about :
Complaint: Yes, I'm quite annoyed that your bulbs do not allow me to cast a full amount of light (if any) apon my SONY PlayStation2 games console.
According to a news report you are supposed to be "leading the way towards fully lit games consoles."
Sony Computer Entertainment Europe (who were very helpful, as I was able to connect to their help-line in under 5 minutes) said that there was no such deal in place and recommended that I switched to another bulb-supplying company. I have tried phoning your helpline, but became hungry and very tired after staying on the 'phone for over a week.
Thank you in advance for any help you give.
Rating: Poor

Abuse report from: rfggr (klkl@khjkh.com)
Complaint about : fgfg
Complaint: fgfgghdghhg
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Rating: Poor

Abuse report from: Sargon of Akaad (webmaster@blueyonder-broadband.co.uk)
Complaint about : Granny Chaser
Complaint: bulbyonder users sending me dirty emails offering sexual services without their teath ! ewwww
Rating: Retard

Abuse report from: Chris
Complaint about :
Complaint: I was talking to some blokes in the pub about bulbyonder and they threatened to punch my lights out. Does this mean I will be able to connect first time every time?
Rating: Awful

Abuse report from: Lord Random The Insane
Complaint about : Third on the Left past the Photocopier
Complaint: Not enough colour on the monitor.
Rating: Shocking

Abuse report from: Mrs. Daftdai
Complaint about :
Complaint: After experiencing a long interruption to our service, Mr. Daftdai and I decided to have an early night rather than wait for support to ring us.
No sooner had we gotten all comfy in bed, than support rang to announce that it should be OK now. It was not OK. We lost a perfectly good opportunity for some quality marital exercise.
This was totally unacceptable. There should be limits on how long Support must wait before they can interrupt a customer with good news. Ringing back within one hour was totally out of order.
Rating: Shocking

Abuse report from: Lord Guano, King of the bat caves (lstraffo@plus.net.uk)
Complaint about : Donkey canoe interface wibble hovercraft NiNiNi
Complaint: It has been brought to my attention that I am a fat cunt. I would therefore like to withdraw from your service as I am ashamed of being the god of girth and don't want others to see me in the nuddy at night.
I like sheep and cream buns.
I like hovercraft.
I invented wool.
Sminkypinky ethethethethethetheth
Rating: Retard